Book Derek Burgan to Speak at Your Next
Hello. I'm Dr. Keith Lipinski, the Director of Business Affairs and Communications for GumGod, Inc. - the corporate entity under which all of Derek Burgan's business ventures are conducted. Thank you for your interest in having Derek give a speech at your school. As you can imagine, business has picked up quite a bit lately, and Derek's schedule is getting more full with each passing day. With that being said, I hope that we can work together to bring Derek out to see you and the rest of his fans, and to have a great event.
With respect to the fee, we are presently only charging $2,500 for academic institutions or non-profit organizations - with 1/2 being due upon booking to confirm the date, and the other 1/2 due when Derek arrives at the venue. However, this will be changing to $4,000 at the end of this month. If you want to book Derek at the current, lower rate, please contact me immediately to arrange confirmation of the booking. Any school or organization that has their 1/2 confirmation deposit in by April 30, 2005, will be guaranteed the current rate.
With respect to travel and other considerations, we keep it fairly simple. There are no ridiculous riders or anything. However, Derek is still a very large man (frame, musculature, ego, etc.) and simply cannot be sandwiched between two other people for hours on end. For this reason, we typically request that you purchase first-class, round trip airfare from Manchester, New Hampshire, to the MAJOR airport that is closest to the venue. Of course, you'll also be responsible for ground transportation to and from the airport, and from the hotel to the venue and back. You will NOT need to rent a car for Derek for this purpose, or hire a cab. In fact, Derek prefers that students drive him around while he's in town, so that he can have more time to talk with you. Especially female students. In particular blonde, female students between 5’5”- 5’9” and 110-120 lbs. As far as the lodging is concerned, the hotel should be no less than a 3-diamond rating (AAA). Normally, it works best to have a hotel either near the airport, strip bar or near the venue.
Derek can customize his speech to fit your needs. He can do a traditional lecture format, a lecture followed by a Q & A session afterwards, or a town-hall type meeting. These can run anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours, depending on how long you want him to speak. Derek speaks on a variety of topics. Most requests these days are for topics such as Marvel Comics versus DC, Derek's career in the online world of pro wrestling dirtsheets, fat chick bias on campus, and so forth. If there is a pressing issue on your campus, Derek can craft a speech that addresses that specific topic - as long as you give us enough lead time to research the issue and prepare him properly. Regardless of the length and format that you select, we do request the presence of a moderator and security or other personnel who can remove unruly participants from the venue if they attempt to disrupt the event. I'm sure you've all heard the recent stories about how other controversial speakers have been mistreated by left-wing extremists - pie throwings, salad dressing drenchings, etc. - and we do not want any such disturbances when Derek comes to your school.
After the event, Derek will make himself available for autographs and pictures until the last person has had a chance to interact with him, for a nominal fee of course. Derek appreciates his fans, and goes out of his way to make sure that everyone has a great time. While Derek will be happy to autograph almost anything, I can also arrange to provide your group with action figures, posters, and 8 x 10's for him to sign. We will ONLY charge your group ACTUAL cost for these items, and generally need about 3 weeks' notice in order to make sure your order is fulfilled. Whether you decide to charge others for the items to be autographed is up to you. Keep in mind, however, that Derek reserves the right to limit the autographs to only those who are in attendance at the event - i.e., he will not be signing dozens of figures for someone to put up on eBay.
Derek's calendar is getting more full each day, so the earlier you confirm your date, the more likely it will be that Derek's schedule will be open for it.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me via telephone (865-555-0689).
Thanks again for your interest in having Derek speak, and know that he deeply appreciate your continued interest and loyalty to the Derek Burgan character.
With Kindest Regards, Dr. Keith Lipinski
Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.