Vixxxens: Untamed & Wrestlerotica

 

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DVD Reviews: Wrestling Vixxxens: Untamed &
                      Wrestling Vixxxens: Wrestlerotica Vol. 1


When I was growing up there were very few things I really looked forward to watching. This was before basic cable had 75 channels, before FOX TV and before I realized there was any wrestling outside of the WWF Superstars show that was on every Saturday. I remember the two things I loved the most were Creature Double Feature up here on Boston’s channel 56 and Up All Night on the USA network. That’s right, I would spend the morning watching cheesy monster films like Godzilla and Them and count the hours down ‘till I could watch something like Bikini Car Wash on USA. Even though there was never any nudity whatsoever in any of these movies, I figured one day someone would screw up and I would catch a shot of a girls boobs or something. Hey, you’re talking to a guy who back in the late 80’s would watch scrambled WWF Pay Per Views (my parents would disown me if they saw something like that on the cable bill) waiting for that one brief second the screen would look semi-normal, so it’s not like sanity was involved in my decision making process.

I believe when I was around 15 or so, my parents ponied up for several pay channels, including Cinemax, and I didn’t think life could get any better. Here were severely edited adult films, to the point where you saw absolutely no intercourse, but to me it was like getting a year’s supply of DVDs from Red Light District. Now Wrestling Vixxxens is a lot like those edited movies I saw on Cinemax and what I would later find out could be labeled “softcore” porn. In this review we are going to look at two releases: Untamed and Wrestlerotica.

Wrestling Vixxxens: Untamed

Untamed is a pretty simple DVD as it is nothing but eight wrestling “Vixxxens” stripping for the camera and playing with themselves. Now, if we were talking about Trish Stratus and Stacy Keibler, you can be sure I would be screaming at the top of my lungs right now that this would be the GREATEST DVD OF ALL TIME!!! However, the list of women is much less noteworthy. The two headliners are Missy Hyatt and Tammy “Sunny” Sytch, but unfortunately we are not talking about the Tammy and Missy of 1998. I’m not saying they are bad looking, but let’s be honest, if the Tammy Sytch of her Bodydonna days did this exact same DVD it would easily sell one hundred billion copies. But enough about what could have been, as Christy Hemme gets ready to be naked on the magazines across the nation, lets see what has happened with some of the divas of the past.

The DVD started off with some girl named “Karmen”, who I have never heard of or seen before. She’s not that bad, in fact she reminded me a little of Dawn Marie, but the music she strips to is something else and is straight out of those old 80’s films I used to watch. Karmen stripped out of about five different outfits. Missy Hyatt was next and they actually had a pretty cool visual with her dress being blue and rest of the picture totally in black & white. Very Sin City-ish. Missy’s breasts are HUGE, and in fact are much bigger than I remember them from her WCW days. Missy stripped in front of the same location (a book shelf) as Karmen, but later spread out in front of a fireplace.

 

Shannon was our third girl, and again I had no idea who she was. She reminded me of that girl Chastity from ECW/WCW. Shannon proved right away she was very limber with some flexible poses that could even turn Rico straight. It’s going to take a lot for a girl to top her on this DVD. Following Shannon was Mona Harcox and I began to wonder why I had never heard of these girls. Are these actual wrestling valets or just models paid to strip? I mean how could I have never at least heard their names in passing? Anyhoo, Mona’s shoot started out on the beach for an interesting visual before going to lingerie and stripping on a bed. Mona concluded her segment in a bubble bath and overall I give her a major thumbs up.

Tammy Sytch was girl number five and I repeat, even though she looked perfectly acceptable, this wasn’t the Sunny I fell in love with years ago and I couldn’t help but be disappointed. There was one part I really liked though, and it rivaled the artistry shown in earlier clips with the one color on black & white and for Tammy it was as if she was drawn. It’s hard to explain, so I’m going to include a picture, but I found it to be a treat. Whoever was in charge of design for this DVD deserves some major props as at least a lot of effort went into it.

 

When I saw the box for this DVD and it had “Lacey” on it, I almost had a heart attack. It just couldn’t be that hot little minx from Ring of Honor, could it?

Nope.

It isn’t her.

Not even close.

My heart fell to the floor as some girl, with breasts way too big for her body, came on the screen as “Lacey.” DAMN IT!! GumGod’s resident Big Boob expert, Celian Varini, would have flipped for this girl but I hit the fast forward button until Brittney Lynn came on. Add Brittney to the list of girls I’ve never heard of before. Like Mona, Brittney’s segment started with her on the beach before moving indoors. She has an absolutely gorgeous face and I think we have a new leader for the position of hottest Vixxxen. Kristi Myst is the final girl on the disc and while I have heard of her, I can’t quite place where. Myst is another girl whose breasts are just gigantic. I think this will be the official DVD of www.xx-cel.com. Kristi is another one who is really cute and if it wasn’t for her breasts being way too big I think I might place her at the top of my list.

 

Overall Thoughts: I know it’s cliché, but it is what it is. If you know the girls and already think they are hot, then this is a DVD for you. I’m certain there are a ton of Missy Hyatt and Tammy Sytch fans from back in the day who are going to want this disc. The other girls, especially Shannon and Brittney, certainly make it worth your while if you know going in you want the disc for the headliners. Click Here to purchase Wrestling Vixxxens: Untamed or head to your local Best Buy, FYE or Sam Goody's.

Wrestling Vixxxens: Wrestlerotica Vol. 1

Now this was a good surprise because I figured after Untamed this would be exactly the same and, in my mind at least, a little softcore goes a long way. Imagine my surprise upon finding out this DVD alternates between the women and matches from Rob Black’s XPW promotion. Say what you will about Rob Black, and just as many people hate him as Vince Russo (for many legitimate reasons), but the guy ran a promotion that at least got your attention. I still remember hearing Sabu talk about the insane match he had to drop the XPW title to Rob Black in his Shoot Interview and I still want to see that damn match! The DVD started off with Jessica Darlin, who is certainly not that bad on the eyes at all before segueing straight into an XPW match with Johnny Webb (w/Jessica Darlin) vs. Homeless Jimmy. For God’s sake this is the first time I have actually seen Homeless Jimmy after reading about him for years on the Torch. I always thought that was such a great name for a wrestler. Total hardcore insanity followed by a skit from what must have been XPW’s TV show with Webb and Darlin stealing the car of SOME GIRL and selling it. I think the gimmick of Webb and Darlin was that they were pure white trash and this was just as good as anything on the WWE recently.

Kristi Myst was next and she did her stripping outside by a babbling brook . I’ve always wanted to use that term “babbling” outside of the context of Bruce Mitchell babbling about some useless Mid Atlantic reference. Kristi looked damn fine here and it her cup size was reduced to a C or D I think I would be in love. Kristi’s XPW clip was absolutely bananas and it involved some guy named Supreme in a barbed wire match and he powerbombed his opponent, Messiah, through a whole table of tacks. Messiah was so bloody that I can’t understand how he was walking afterward, but get this, he ended up giving Supreme a Diamond Cutter through this PSYCHOTIC table full of barbed wire, thumbtacks and light tubes. Unbelievable. Several skits with Supreme and Myst followed along with Messiah giving Myst a Diamond Cutter. Myst’s segment closed in the most bizarre way possible, with her having sex with a guy who I swear was Messiah. For me, this entire DVD is worth whatever they are charging just for Myst’s section alone. And as a side note, Messiah was that guy who got his thumb cut off for allegedly sleeping with Rob Black’s wife Lizzie Borden. Welcome to wrestling!

Jasmin St. Claire, former porn star and current owner of the wrestling promotion 3PW, started off with a segment ripped straight from a porn film. Not sure who the guy was, but he’s been in thousands of films. It would probably help if I found St. Claire attractive, which I don’t, so this stuff dragged for me. St. Claire had a weird XPW skit where she was at “Milwaukee MetalFest” (which I assumed was a gag but am assured it is very real by GumGod hair band expert Keith Lipinski) and promised a big surprise which turned out to be Big Dick Dudley. The Joey Styles-like announcer selling Big Dick showing up at XPW Arena was hilarious. Big Dick’s match was against Damien Steel, who threw his valet and bodyguard at Dudley but could not stop the MONSTER! More St. Claire stripping and more Big Dick Dudley action followed, although this time with a monster even more scary…Mr. Ms. Nicole Bass.

Tammy Lynn Sytch’s segment was next and I swear to god it started off with the striping stuff found in untamed. Weird. Sytch’s XPW segment rocked though as it included Chris Candido, who was ripped, against Homeless Jimmy. The Franchise Shane Douglas was involved in this and even gave Candido a Pittsburgh Plunge after the match. It does my heart good to see two members of one of my favorite groups ever, the Triple Threat, in the same ring. Douglas and Candido kiss and make up before Candido’s next match with Damien Steel, which has that monster Nicole Bass again.

 

Lastly, Missy Hyatt’s stuff from Untamed aired before she came out in support of White Trash Johnny Webb in his match against Dynamite D. I think it was all to set up Webb pulling a lighter out of Hyatt’s cleavage to light up a celebratory cigarette after beating Dynamite.

Overall Thoughts: I swear to god that when I first got this DVD I was thinking of ways to bury it like the 1 Night in China disc, but Wrestlerotica wasn’t that bad at all. This is what the WWE needs to do for a SmackDown PPV if they want to get people to buy them, bookend the matches with Divas taking their clothes off. Certainly seeing Dawn Marie or Jakie Gayda get nekkid is reason enough to sit through a match between Heidenrich and Luther Reigns. The XPW matches themselves are not going to appeal to the ROH crowd, but if you were an ECW fan, there’s a lot there for you including former ECW guys such as Chris Candido, Shane Douglas and Big Dick Dudley. Click Here to purchase Wrestle Vixxxens: Wrestlerotica Vol. 1, or check out your local Best Buy, FYE, Sam Goody and other stores of that ilk.

Special thanks to Torch Japan’s own Keith Lipinski, Sensational Scott Paris, and a true American original, Mike Roe, for their help with this review.

If you have any questions, corrections, feedback, comments or ideas, Derek can be reached at: derek@gumgod.com
 


Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.