Off The Record Review
Host: Michael Landsberg
February 14, 2003 |
Taped 02/12/03 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Aired on TSN
Report by Derek Burgan, Torch Team Contributor
-The show started of with Michael Landsberg thanking Cupid for the exclusive interview that was he was about to give. Landsberg said that of all the Holiday figures, Cupid was always his favorite, beating out the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Landsberg gave everyone a recap of Cupid’s career including recent matchup’s like Colin Farrell and Britney Spears along with Mary Jane Watson and Peter Parker.
-Cupid interrupts Michael and says he has to get something off his chest. “I want to officially apologize to Sean Waltman for this Chyna thing. I was reading on the Torch website this week that the two are going to get married or something. I thought, ‘oh shit, this is getting WAY out of hand.’ You see it all started last year when I was getting a load on at The World in New York. I was hanging with James Guttman and Derek Burgan. We get together every once in while to kick back some suds and shoot the shit. We usually end up having a ton of bar bets because it’s so easy to make Derek look like a fool. You see, everyone thinks he’s so smart but if you eliminate comic books and movies you’d find out quickly he really doesn’t know all that much. You wouldn’t believe the stuff he comes up with. He once told me the capital of Louisiana was Moulon Rouge. I once had to get an AAA road atlas because he was convinced that Connecticut was the sixth largest state in America.
“So I figured I had Derek nailed because he was already half in the bag. I asked him, ‘What was the street the Brady Bunch lived on’“ And he answered “Clinton Ave.”, I’m like, ‘who the F--- knows that?!’ Apparently he read it once and remembered it because it was the same as his favorite president. I didn’t even know Derek was a Democrat. With all the dumb things he has said over the years I just assumed he was a Republican.”
“All of a sudden him and Guttman huddled together and were having some sort of conference or something. They were laughing like a pair of God-damn school girls. Derek turns around and says, ‘Okay, I want you to set X-Pac up with Chyna.’ I was like, you can’t be serious! Apparently it was all a rib on Wade Keller, because I guess he’s a friend of X-Pac or something. I did everything I could to talk them out of it. I even said I could make Dave Meltzer fall in love with Bob Sapp and Derek said that already happened. So I went ahead and did it. And I’m sorry. I figured with life on the road the two would break up pretty fast, but it looks like they are going to get married! The Union is going to kill me for this one!”
-Landsberg asked Cupid if he set up any other wrestlers. “Oh, all the time. In fact, when Mae Young had her sweet 16 party I personally introduced her to Abraham Lincoln. The sparks didn’t really fly, but it got Honest Abe interested in wrestling, at least for a little bit. I heard he stopped and went into politics or something.”
-When being asked if he had any regrets about matches he’s made Cupid said, “Every day Mike, every single day. That friggin’ Lisa Marie Presley is going to put me into an early grave, let me tell you that. And Angelina Jolie-Billy Bob Thorton…damn it, I took that one pretty hard.”
-Landsberg asked if Cupid was upset his Holiday was in February, notoriously a very cold month and home to the lamest holiday of all time, Groundhog’s Day. Cupid responded by saying, “That is literally the dumbest question I have ever been asked in my life. And remember, I’ve done a shoot interview with Bob Ryder and Dave Scherer, so imagine what that is saying.”
-Cupid listed his favorite moments of his career which included, “Marc Anthony and Cleopatra, the love triangle between Archie, Veronica & Betty, along with a 3 part Torch Talk I did with Wade Keller back in 1992.”
-Landsberg then brought up who Cupid liked in the IWC. “What in the blue blazes is the IWC?” Landsberg told Cupid it was the Internet Wrestling Community. “Oh
that. I like that Mojo Mitchell guy because he calls every girl, “tits.” For a romance man like myself, that’s gold. Damn, that reminds me, I was supposed to hook him up back in 1975. Shit, time flies. What year is it now? I better get on that.”
-Cupid said his favorite movie was, “From Here to Eternity”, but “there’s something to say for
Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke as well.”
-Landsberg thanked Cupid and plugged next week’s guest, Roddy Piper.
***Derek Burgan writes Smackdown Express v2.1 each and every week for PWTorch.com and wants to wish everyone a happy Valentine’s Day. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and welcomes any and all comments and/or suggestions.
Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.