The Kayfabulator 5000 is the industry leader at deciphering the inner-workings of the rasslin’ business and presenting them to you, the reader, in a language that’s easily understood.
“English!” - Vincent Kennedy McMahon
For the week ended August 17, 2003
Original Quote: "I found the 3 Like Krew vignette this week to be very Conan O'Brien-esque. Nothing says comedy gold like a shirtless middle age man caressing himself in a trailer park. 3LK will make their PPV return this Wednesday night in action."
Jeremy Borash’s From The Inside
K5000 Translation: The skits should have been placed in Conan O’Brien’s time slot after midnight so no fan would have seen them. Since after a month the skits have actually gotten worse, TNA is forced to put the three back in the ring.
Original Quote:“I’m thirty-nine. I think I have four more good years.” - Konnan, when asked how much longer he sees himself wrestling in the Pro Wrestling Torch
K5000 Translation: The key word in Konnan’s answer is “good.” Konnan will be wrestling for at least 10 more years while he should have retired 2 years ago.
Original Quote: "Be A Man" is one of the new singles from the Macho Man soon to be released CD. The song, even though a challenge to Hulk Hogan, looks to be a hit. A source that asked not to be named, has given us exclusive information with regards to the soon to be released CD. "This CD is packed with songs that are destined to be hits", stated the source. "With songs like, "Be A Man", "RU Ready", "It's A Macho Thang", and the in your face song, "Remember Me", this CD is sure to make a lot of waves in the music industry."
- Unnamed Source
K5000 Translation: The “source that asked not to be named” is Randy Poffo and with songs like “RU Ready” and “It’s a Macho Thang” the CD is sure to be the musical equivalent of Hollywood’s From Justin To Kelly.
Original Quote: "I contacted James Cornette for a statement; however he did not wish to offer a comment on the subject."
- James Guttman, Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter
K5000 Translation: “No comment” means “I told the guy that I would never comment for any publication of Wade Keller's because, and I quote, he is a ‘lying sack of shit’. Also, it has never made any sense to me why a man, and I use the term man in its loosest sense possible, like Keller can’t just work his readers a little bit like Dave Meltzer and just ignore any rumors or bad news about anything I’m associated with.”
Original Quote: “I wanted to make sure the character I played was a strong, complex, interesting character.”
- The Rock, concerning his character in the movie The Rundown in Entertainment
K5000 Translation: “After making sure the check cleared, The Rock could really care less what The Rock does in a movie. For proof The Rock enters the end of “The Mummy Returns” as Exhibit A. And even a bad movie with The Rock beats a great PPV without him.”
Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.