K5000 Results for Nov 6, 2003


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The Kayfabulator 5000 Special MMA Edition

From the World of Mixed Martial Arts:

"English!" - Vincent Kennedy McMahon

Original Quote: "Kazushi Sakuraba is going to honor Road Warrior Hawk on the 11/9 show by dressing as a Road Warrior when he comes to the ring for his match against Kevin Randleman." - Wrestling Observer newsletter, 11-3-03

K5000 Translation: "Pride had figured that it would be better than the original idea of Sakaraba being rolled to the ring in a casket while clutching his chest."

Original Quote: "He's a cool guy, but he has some shit he needs to work on." - Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, to MMANews.com, on his upcoming fight with Chuck Lidell.

K5000 Translation: "He's a cool guy, but that motherf***er has no idea what it will be like to get beat by a nigga who just don't give a f*** about crushing his skull. The thing he needs to work on is getting his life insurance in order."

Original Quote: "In Japan they are different because they really respect fighters, they don't give a f*ck whether you win or lose, but how you fight." - "Rampage" Jackson to Maxfighting.com, 8-3-03

K5000 Translation: "The Japanese like seeing a motherf***er bust they motherf***'n ass against another motherf***er. Period. BITCH!!!"

Original Quote: "Unlike past UFC events, UFC 44 did away with the pyrotechnics and entrance ramp in favor of a more professional (less Pro Wrestling) look." - MMAWeekly.com towing UFC's company line when reviewing the show.

K5000 Translation: "The UFC is running out of expendable cash."

Original Quote: "I would like to fight Chuck Lidell. It is just the fact that my contract makes sense, and I wasn't going to compete under the contract they had me under just do to what I thought was fair." - Tito Ortiz, to WrestlingFury.com

K5000 Translation: "Geez, have you seen that guy's right hand? F that! I'll take my chances with the old guy."

Original Quote: "...Randy Corture is the next victim on Tito Ortiz's list." - Ortiz, in the athlete/entertainer's favorite form of speaking about themselves, the third person.

K5000 Translation: "What I had meant to say was, "Couture was next on my 'Celian Varini homo-erotic spank me like a baby' list."

Original Quote: "I made a terrible mistake... the biggest mistake of my life, I wish I could take it back, but that isn't possible. So, I'm ready to accept the consequences for my actions." - From a press release by Tim Sylvia after he tested positive for steroids.

K5000 Translation: "I can't believe I got caught... I could have sworn that cycling off early would save me. It has always worked before. I wish I would have bought that clean urine to put inject into my bladder when I got the juice. I guess I have to accept the consequences for cheating now."

Original Quote: "...In the first match, top ranked heavyweight Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic will face former PRIDE FC heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira." - From a Pride press release about their upcoming card.

K5000 Translation: "...In the first match, top ranked heavyweight Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic will high kick former PRIDE FC heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira off the face of the planet, and possibly kill him."


Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.