The Kayfabulator 5000 Results for the Week Ending 1/10/04
"English!" - Vincent Kennedy McMahon
Original Quote: "...I wasn't going to use anger because I didn't want to die. He's an ex-wrestler, so he gets angry real quick." - Theresa Halbert, Dick Slater's ex-girlfriend, discussing to the Tampa Tribune, on December 28, her ordeal in trying to prevent him from continuing to stab her.
K5000 Translation: "Hopefully, USA Today has completed their story on the wonderful world of kayfabe, because no matter how many Rock's and Hogan's there are, or WWE guys that go and visit our troops, events like Slater's are the kind of thing that the mainstream media will always place first, and is also what non-kayfabers think about the people that entertain us."
Original Quote: "The biggest victim, although it was likely of his own doing, was
Antonio Inoki... Even when he does wrong, which is frequently, or looks to be down and out for good, he's the proverbial cat, who not only lives, but becomes bigger with every resurrection." - Wrestling Observer, January 5, 2004, discussing Inoki putting the "bomb" in his disastrous "Bom-Ba-Ye" New Year's Eve show.
K5000 Translation: "That may have life number nine, and hopefully for the sake of all of the wrestlers that have chosen to make the mistake of training or working under Inoki -- who continues to sacrifice them in shoots when he himself made his name only beating real fighters in worked matches -- it will be. The term 'Bom-Ba-Ye' was stolen by Inoki from the chant that the people in Zaire brutalized George Foreman with before his fight with Muhammad Ali. It means 'Kill Him.' Let's hope someone does it to Inoki before it happens to one of his minions."
Original Quote: "There has been some talk of adding Slash to ICP's act so that he could handle most of the in-ring workload. However, Slash may have hurt his chances of being brought back by acting disruptive (that's putting it nicely) at the holiday party." - Pro Wrestling Torch #791, TNA Newswire.
K5000 Translation: "Slash -- who may have possibly been drinking, but we aren't sure as professional wrestlers are rarely known to do so -- may have hurt his chances of being brought back by acting disruptive at the holiday party. Apparently, he was already in hot water by making fun of the "Pin the World title on Jeff" game that the company had set up for the enjoyment of the boys. When he was told he would be joined with ICP and get the honor of becoming the face of the company's widely-viewed syndicated program, Xplosion, he lost all control."
Original Quote: "...most threatened shoots never happen because it's considered totally unprofessional, and in the famous words of Bill Watts, "one guy would be scared, and the other guys would be glad of it." - Wrestling Observer, January 5, 2004, discussing rumors of a MLW shoot between Teddy 'I have the ego, but not the brains or talent of a' Hart and Steve 'can I borrow your checkbook?' Corino
K5000 Translation: "Much like H. L. 'No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public' Menkcen, for all of Bill Watts' bluster and off-color comments, the guy has had some great one-liners."
Original Quote: "Smells like WCW." - A fan sign at a recent TNA show.
K5000 Translation: "TNA smells like WCW or, in other words, what do those circling buzzards overhead signify?"
Original Quote: "Finally I got a letter from the State Police who told me not to run any more shows or I'd be fined. I kept doing shows and never heard from them. I used their letter to roll a joint, actually." - Jon "Fairplay" Dalton discussing threats of getting closed down by the state of Oregon, Pro Wrestling Torch #791, Torch Talk.
K5000 Translation: "He then passed that joint to Wade Keller. He had to have in order to be able to land a Torch Talk that pushed one with legendary magazine vet, Bill Apter, to the back of the newsletter. Remember kids, puff-puff-pass."
Original Quote: "Derek, let me see that review of WrestleCrap before it's posted." - Torch Head Honcho Wade Keller to Derek Burgan.
K5000 Translation: "Goodbye, Derek."
Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.