Jaws

 

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Pro-Wrestling Theatre answers the age old question:

What would wrestlers do in a given situation. This edition, PWTheatre invites Booker T to give his interpretation of the tragic story that Quint told in the movie “Jaws”. In the movie, Quint and Matt Hooper were discussing injuries the two had sustained while at sea when Quint recalls the story of the USS Indianapolis. Instead of sailors who thrown into shark infested waters when the USS Indianapolis sank, Booker is referring to the wrestlers who were thrown into the shark-infested locker room of the WWF during Invasion.

Pro-Wrestling Theatre Proudly Presents: "Jaws"

Brock Lesnar: You were part of the InVasion?

Chief Terry Funk: What happened?

Booker T: Vince McMahon slammed two torpedoes into our side, Stephanie and Shane McMahon. We was comin' back from the “Greed” show, we'd just delivered the bomb. The Pay Per View bomb. Over a hundred men went into the WWF. Morale went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half hour. Undertaker. Seven footer.

You know how you know that in the back, Sucka? You can tell by lookin' at their downside guarantee. What we didn't know, was that our last few months of Nitro were so horrible, no ratings could save our jobs. They didn't even list us in the TV Guide for a month. Very first show, Sucka, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight cliques. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the squares in the old calendars like the Battle o' Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and sometimes that shark he go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away.

Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like Tammy Sytch on HGH. When he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be workin'... 'til he swerves ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The back turns quiet, and despite all your talent and your hardwork those sharks come in and... they rip you to pieces.

You know by the end of that first RAW, lost a dozen men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged one every skit. Thursday mornin', Sucka, I bumped into a friend of mine, Lance Storm from Calgary, Alberta Canada. Great worker. I thought he was over, Reached over to give him props. He bobbed up, down in the back with this stupid mop bucket, he was like a jobber. Upended. Well, he'd had his legs cut out from under him.

Noon the fifth month a Titan accountant swung in low and he spotted us, a young MBA, lot younger than Mr. Lesnar here, anyway he spotted the ratings we were getting and a few hours later the lil ol' HWA come down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin' for my turn. I'll never do a skit again. So, a hundred men went into the fed with careers. Two men come out, the sharks took the rest, November the eighteenth, Two Thousand and One.. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

 

Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.