Reader Submission: CJ Duffy

 

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A Typical Night on AOL

By CJ "Duff Man" Duffy

I was in a random wrestling forum the other day and someone gave me a screen name, telling me it was Bradshaw's. Thinking it was worth a shot or a laugh at least, I messaged the guy when he got online and it sounded a bit like Bradshaw. 

CathalJD: Hey... 

Goosestepper69: Who's this? 

CathalJD: Who's this? 

Goosestepper69: I asked u 1st lol 

CathalJD: I'm CJ 

Goosestepper69: kewl 

CathalJD: Is this Bradshaw? 

Goosestepper69: don't be gay, what are you doing online?

CathalJD: I think it's Bradshaw 

Goosestepper69: omg stfu queer 

CathalJD: I think you're a decent champion 

Goosestepper69: Shut up fatass 

CathalJD: No, seriously, you're like the ultimate heel, no one likes you at all in real life or in the ring 

As soon as I typed that, I got a pop-up message from woo420 

woo420: Are you a wrestler? 

CathalJD: Not professionally 

woo420: Why are you using words like heel if you're not in the business? 

CathalJD: Dude chill out and how did you know? Did Bradshaw paste it or something? 

woo420: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, WOOO! I'M THE 16 TIME WORLD CHAMPION AND YOU COULDN'T LACE UP MY BOOTS, WOOOO!! AND BRET HART DIDN'T DRAW A DIME, WOOOOOO!!!, TO BE THE MAN, uh, i think i just shat myself 

CathalJD: Dude I'm blocking you 

Then I got a message from Sharpshooter1 

Sharpshooter1: Is Flair bothering you? 

CathalJD: That's Ric Flair???? Who's this??? 

Sharpshooter1: It's Bret Hart 

CathalJD: Dude you're awesome!!! 

Sharpshooter1: Heh, I know. Anyway, don't worry about Flair 

CathalJD: I know I just blocked him, but I didn't know it was the Nature Boy 

Sharpshooter1: I know, but he won't bother anyone again 

CathalJD: What did you do Bret? 

Sharpshooter1: I sent him a birthday card that had anthrax in it 

CathalJD: Jesus man that's harsh 

Sharpshooter1: He said I couldn't draw a dime and I'm the best wrestler ever!!!!111 

CathalJD: Yea but you didn't have to kill the guy 

Sharpshooter1: Go f*ck yourself. I guess he signed off. Hopefully he liked his card.

Goosestepper69: u there??? 

CathalJD: Yeah, dude this is weird 

Goosestepper69: don't be gay fatass 

CathalJD:..... 

Goosestepper69: brb gotta get a beer 

I signed off then. You guys should IM them some time, they're good for a laugh.

 

Copyright 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.