Reader Submission: Kevin Grant #1

 

Home
Cheap Pops!
The Crew
Kayfabulator 5000
Bonus Features
Mind Altering Links

Behold! Heretofore the greatest email Derek has ever received...

Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 10:50:10 -0500
From: JWH <diseased.hope@gmail.com>
To: derek@gumgod.com
Subject: Couple of Questions

To Feinstein's load catcher,

What is your obsession with linking to Amazon? Are you that f*cking
materialistic that you have to push that shit on others? Also, do you
ever find it ironic that you spent a great deal of time ragging
Bethel, yet all evidence points to you, yourself being gay on a level
that only Rob Feinstein, Pat Patterson, Elton John, Liberace, and Wade
Keller have previously achieved? You practically salivate over bird
chested spot monkeys like Spanky, Evans, Hart, and all the rest of those
"Buck O' Five" weighing femme ROH ring crew workers posing as
wrestlers. One can almost see you becoming disgustingly aroused when
you watch them. It truly is quite sad.

Your total blind devotion to ROH will come to an end as soon as
Feinstein starts up his "competing" promotion though, won't it?
Because anyone who has read your detritus for any length of time,
knows you certainly love to line Rob's pockets. One wonders what else
you and he have lined?

Your review of his latest attempt to fund his growing young boy
porn/bait collection was also very telling about your inclinations,
Burgan. Now I wonder WHY you would think something involving Scott
Hall's genitals and male on male fellation [sic] would be "the greatest DVD
ever!!!"? Oh wait...because you are a flamingly homosexual,
materialistic, Feinstein swallowing, shallow, all around douche
bag...among far too many other moral shortcomings to list.

Oh...and one other thing...you are not now, were, or ever will be as
funny or insightful as Hyatte or Flea. Hell, even Hyatte is not as
funny as Hyatte anymore. But, you never have come close.

I doubt this will have any true effect on you since your shallowness
is beyond measure and you will undoubtedly retreat to the safety of
your mountain of dvds of sweaty, young, flipping circus seals and
shared IMs with Feinstein, but it needed to be said by someone for a
long time now.

In closing, you are not funny, smart, hip, or heterosexual. You are a
bottom feeding excuse for a human being...who, no matter how much
material and excess or young boys you surround yourself with...has to
look in the mirror and know that you have to call Wade Keller your
boss and, worst of f*cking all, you don't even rate above McNeil in
the pecking order of that pathetic site. And you are a load your mom
should have swallowed.

In utter contempt,
Jonah Woodson Hex (a.k.a. Kevin Grant)


PS: GumGod sucks worse than a Guttman column.

 

Copyright 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.