Judge Shields America from Steph McMahon's Photographic Overexposure
VENICE BEACH, CALIFORNIA - In a victory for good taste nationwide and a defeat for the hopes of million of gender confused teenage wrestling fans, topless photographs of WWE Smackdown General Manager Stephanie McMahon will not be exposed to the general public for the time being.
A judge in Venice Beach, California has covered up the Pro-Wrestling star's lack of modesty by ordering the pictures she is trying to release to remain sealed, and preferably shredded after the case is settled.
The thirty year-old WWE Superstar sued to stop photographer Mick Barak from burning the pictures taken of her after surgery number two, when she became internationally famous during a 2001 Chris Jericho promo comparing the old to new Stephanie profiles on the wildly "popular" television show Monday Night RAW.
Stephanie claimed that a signature of her name appearing on a release form that Barak produced as evidence of his right to burn the "hellish" pictures had been forged. However, Barak also had a Certificate of Authenticity that the judge ruled as proving the signature authentic.
Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Jeff Jones ruled that the court would seal the pictures taken of McMahon until the suit is settled because the great land of America has the right to protect itself from overly obscene imagery.
He also kept out of the public record a home videotape marked "WHHHOOOO!" (Well-Hung Hunter Hearst-OOOOO!) the contents of which neither side would discuss outside the courtroom.
The judge also denied public access to the rest of the court file and ordered the pictures "sealed and hopefully misplaced" in reference to photos of Baby Doll, Miss Atlanta Lively, and Jeremy Borash dancing around the maypole with Scott & Jimmy Baio.
"There have been many notable celebrities before the court," the judge said. "And if I seal this file, I would only do it for the good of the people. Geez, Right to Censor would have a field day over this s#*t."
The next hearing in this case of celebrity overexposure is set for September 12, nearly two years to the day Stephanie McMahon equating the federal government putting her father Vince McMahon on trial for distributing steroids with the 9/11 terrorist attacks on America.
"I would like to apologize for that Statement." said Stephanie in a press conference in Denver this week. "Obviously I overstated things a little bit. Since I found out that only 3,000 people died in the 9/11 attacks, I'd have to say the Holocaust is a much better comparison of the father's courageous battle against the Federal Government!"
Stephanie McMahon, is a Superstar on the WWE television series Smackdown! and according to one anonymous staff writer desperately trying to keep his job, "is a sexy, ass slappable Head Writer," wasn't present at the hearing. No criminal charge has been filed against Barak, except for having exceptional taste and patience in airbrushing. The photographer told the syndicated news program "WWE Confidential" in mid-July that he'd contacted McMahon's lawyers to offer them the negatives in the form of a well-blended puree.
Copyright © 2005 Derek Burgan. All rights reserved.